And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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