im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
