I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
