all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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