remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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