piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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