Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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