her vagine was all disorganized.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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