I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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