No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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