I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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