No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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