I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
