my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
