Ambien. No doubt about it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize