I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
