you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
