You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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