My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
