took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
