loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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