I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize