i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
