4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
