From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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