At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
