Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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