if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
