Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
