see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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