he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this just has baby written all over it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
