My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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