I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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