Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
