just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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