I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
