My hand turned me down
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
