im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am spending my child support on dildos
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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