she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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