I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Boobs are out for the taking
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
