I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A+ Viking dick
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
