I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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