I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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