Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
