If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
