If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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