I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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