when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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