he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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