I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
