If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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