When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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