Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
