New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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