i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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