I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
