I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
