I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
