i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
