wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
