I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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