you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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