I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
