In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
