bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
