is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
