Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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