I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
